I feel privileged to have very generous parents, to travel the world with them, and to stay in really wonderful places and hotels. But on my own, I feel that I can't truly get very far at this point in my life. Although I live in comfort where my spouse and I are able to buy groceries, pay our bills, and send our kids to school, I can't help but still feel awfully embarrassed that I cant even treat my parents and tell them outright, "this is my treat, sky's the limit." I think once my dad asked me when I'd be the one bringing them to a holiday destination and where. I jokingly said "spratley island" but truly, I'd like to take them some place wonderful where they could enjoy themselves.
I guess I am wired this way. I would love to give if I have the means to do so. Sometimes, I still give even there is nothing left for myself which is crazy that I scold myself silly. I even commit myself to treating people when they do a good job. When my wallet is literally empty and I begin rummaging my bag for coins, and nobody even suspects that this kind of thing happens to me, I silently laugh at myself in a bittersweet sort of way.
Let's see...traveling abroad with no money even for terminal fees, check. Receiving money, and then buying sale food items on the first night of our hotel stay for dinner to save on cash, check. Eating a hefty buffet breakfast which is free to curb my appetite for the rest of the day, check. Resisting the temptation to buy stuff, check. Buying my presents for friends at Ikea, check. Cursing under my breath why prices are so exorbitant, check.
Still, I know in my heart that this is a temporary state and that the day would come where all the hard work we put in will eventually pay off. But first off, after this holiday, I need to really concentrate on dissertation writing and nail it.
Flowers will soon be abloom. I am blessed and live in abundance. God continues to shine upon us all, teaching and guiding us towards fulfilling his holy will. I have been praying about this a lot too, for the Lord to lead us in all our words and actions and that we do not stray from the path he has paved for us.